FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
New Oracle Database features spell doom and gloom for NoSQL
SILICON VALLEY (APRIL 1, 2015) – In a move calculated to gladden the hearts of the hardest Oracle Database diehards, Oracle Corporation has released a slew of new features that allow Oracle Database implementations to catch up to, match up to, and leave in the dust NoSQL implementations in the areas of performance, scalability, and reliability (PSR). Detailed information on the new features can be found on the Oracle website.
An industry analyst explained that NoSQL implementations have five legs—“functional segmentation”, “sharding”, “eventual consistency”, “key-value”, and “schemaless design”—and that all were now achievable within the comforting confines of Oracle Database.
Questions regarding the new features may be addressed to email@example.com.
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Congressman Mike Honda introduces the Accountability and Congressional Responsibility On Naming Your Motions (ACRONYM) Act
The link will take you to the Oracle 9i documentation. Oracle 9i was released in 2001 so the joke is on NoSQL. Read "The Rise and Fall of the NoSQL Empire" in the February 2015 issue of the NoCOUG Journal. (www.nocoug.org/.../NoCOUG_Journal_201502) Also read the "Twelve Days of NoSQL" series of posts beginning at iggyfernandez.wordpress.com/.../the-twelve-days-of-nosql-day-one-disruptive-innovation.